Yesterday, after a forced 6 minutes and 51 seconds of conversation with who used to be one of my closest friends and now an acquaintance, I learned that somethings aren’t just supposed to grow close again. Now, by “somethings” I mean friendships.
My friend and I used to talk for long hours nonstop. Time has passed and it seems we have both changed and while it is a pity to have lost the future of what our friendship could have been, I can acknowledge how much I have gained from this lost friendship. Life is messy and this was how I made my life decision right.
It is easy to define yourself when you are surrounded by people. But do you know who you are when the lights comes off, people leave, and you are home all by yourself with your thoughts? Discovering that self was somewhat scary at first. However, now I feel way more comfortable being alone, while before I associated being alone with loneliness. Also, I have learned to appreciate people more to be less judgmental and to accept that others’ lives are messy and entangled too. I appreciate more every other friendship and invest the effort of not giving them into my own oblivion.
Of course, with a separation of friendships and growing apart comes nostalgia and sadness. Once one friend is gone you discover a whole new support system that works amazing…yourself, your rationality and common sense. It is not until when you work through your feelings and emotions when you are allowing for new life events to leave an emotional scent in your memories.
As much as I cherish our memories together, I recognize how much this broken friendship has made me think about who I am and who I want to be, grow as human being and discover where I want and look forward to go next.
Losing a relationship always hurts, but if I were to go back time, I will do the same all over again. The reason is simple. Without this broken relationship, the Fangning of today might have never existed. Had we kept our friendship, I might have become a different person, and not necessary a bad one. But, I really like the human being I am now and as result I wouldn’t trade it regardless.
In short, “It is not about making the right decision but rather about making the decision right”- Omid Scheybani
Give it a little thought and you may allow some light of brightness in past memories. “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”